Hope[Less]

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!

Oh, what peace we often forfeit; oh, what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged - take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful? Who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden, cumbered with a loaf of care?

Precious Saviour still our refuge - take it to the Lord in prayer!

Do thy friends despise forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In His arms He'll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Saviour Thou hast promised, Thou wilt all out burdens bear;

May we ever Lord be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.

Soon in glory bright, unclouded there will be no need for prayer-

Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our portion there. 

Wikipedia says this was originally written as a poem by Joseph Scriven to comfort his mother in Ireland after he had moved to Canada. In 1855, it must have taken weeks, maybe months, to get the message to her by ship, horse and foot. I can imagine that she was overwhelmed with emotion, thinking of the care he had taken to craft the poem and ensure its safe delivery to her. 

I was convinced that this Joseph Scriven and the apostle Paul were trying to mock the rest of us. Paul claims that "no temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind." I struggled to accept that. More often than not, it felt like no one understood my situation, no matter how much I explained it. No one seemed to understand the temptation to crawl into a ball and hide under a bed forever. Paul goes on to say "and God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." But He did, or so it seemed. 

The inability to experience joy is not something I believe one should bear. It's like a box or maybe like those cages used for transporting animals, with a single tiny entrance. Somehow, I got caught into it but as soon as I got in, I became lethargic, too weak to muster a way out. Paul also says "Do not be anxious about anything". But this little box is a legitimate source of anxiety. Like a circus animal on display, I feel prodded and pricked and sore all over. Nothing said or done could console me. 

"He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." I thought the way out would be as evident as a bright shiny light or marvellous sound. I thought there would be a moment of incredible awesomeness and I would finally be free. But there was no light or sound or awesomeness. Instead, I found my self engulfed in the wonder of the structure of a blade of grass and s single snow flake. I wondered if He was responsible for the way things are. I had no problem blaming him for the chaos. However, who would I attribute the order to?

Walker and I had one of those long conversations again. I misunderstood something he said or did. I sulked about it. He tried to help. It got worse. I sulked even more. Then I realised that way out for me was the awareness that he and He were with me. I really, truly was not alone. 

 "But in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

Yesterday, Walker and I were given the honour of becoming a God parent for the first time ever. My God son is an awesome bundle of cuteness and the delight of his parents' lives. Baptism is all about beginning a new thing. I know all about this; I spent most of the last 20 years beginning things. It  was probably my most common statement in my various diaries. "Let's go back to the beginning." However, this time I cannot quit when it gets hard or crawl into my little box. 

He bears ALL my sins and griefs. He gives me hope.