The Help

I am not one to take help from anyone easily. I am so convinced that my problems are so uniquely designed that I, alone, can face them. I believe so deeply that I am incapable of explaining what I need to any one else and that even if I tried, they would not be able to translate what I said into the appropriate action. In part, I know that this stems from the fact that I can be a stubborn prick. I can insist on things being a certain way; like the position of the throw cushions on the living room couch, or the way food is arranged in the fridge. The other part of it is based on some crazy, wild idea I have that "they" are out to make a fool of me. So I go about believing that when help is offered, the helper is trying to provide evidence [for him/herself and others] of my inability to complete the task on my own. As if people have the time to sit and ponder how skilled I am at interior decorating!

I am, therefore, pleasantly surprised each time people [and dogs] plough past my attempts to get them to leave me alone. The other day I was busy working in the store at church and some children wandered into my space. I knew that they were meant to be in another area of the church, and I tried to get them to go back but they just sat and insisted on staying. I was doing the inventory i. e. a lot of counting and unearthing of forgotten treasures. Once I gave the kids a chance to join in, they were ecstatic. You would have thought that I had promised a reward of some sort.We were going through the costumes, which always seem to excite them, even after all these years of using them for Christmas plays. In the end we helped each other out. I saved them from boredom and they cut my working time in half. 

In the past couple of weeks since we moved, I have attempted to take on 30 minutes of gardening each day. I tried to exercise using work out videos but that soon go boring. Then I tried running but I soon argued my way out of waking up that early. In addition, I refuse to run in the evenings because there are too many people walking about, filling up the side walks. I also tried swimming, but after being stared at by a bunch of randoms, I decided that I was not going to be someone's cheap entertainment. So, now I garden. I try to make it as labour intensive as possible. Lots of shovelling of sand, ferrying of bricks, digging of massive trenches or holes and ferrying of heavy buckets of water. 

I find it amusing that Tita faithfully trots or sits my side as I work. Some times she just sits and watches, probably wondering my I am moving a perfectly good patch of sand about. However, most of the time she joins in. She sniffs about the holes and makes them even bigger. I often have to be careful to avoid injuring her feet as I dig with my hoe. She tugs at the weeds that I have failed to pull out and usually finishes off the persistent ones for me. She bites the brown leaves that need pruning or splashes about in the water bucket. She's very unlike the other two. Zeus' mission in life is to destroy anything that looks orderly. He just tears it all apart and has broken all my clay and plastic pots. Hero Jr on the other hand, has no interest in gardening, whether it is to support or to disturb. He usually comes along for the first trip, and on realising that his effort does not look like it might lead to a full tummy, he settles himself on a comfy patch of grass and watches the action from the corner of one eye. 

Sadly, these instances are the rare ones. I will usually struggle to be in control and, thus, lose people. Walker tried to say something about the garden. I think he was saying that we could hire someone to help with the more intensive work of levelling the front yard and planting grass. What I said was not the problem. It was the fact that I did not accept the help and was not grateful for the help offered. Most days are like this. I cannot do it all. I am learning to be more open to interventions from others, people and dogs alike. Sunlight might not just be a yellow glow today. It might be the white fur coat or a pair of brown eyes. Light can come from many places.