re-BORN

I find myself at a crossroads of sorts. I am re-evaluating my relationships - well those that I can actually change [family ain't going nowhere!]. There's been an itch at the back of my head for almost 2 decades telling me I might be misplacing my affection but I felt I had no alternatives. These were the only people I had left and I thought they were the only ones who knew me best.

Well, maybe it's because of turning 30. Or because of the little marshmallow man (who has learnt to stand on his own now!). Or maybe because of recent, nearly emotionally catastrophic revelations, for me, about a dear one. I find that I need to re-think my definitions of what I am looking for.  

Initially, when I was younger, I thought loyalty and honesty were crucial, mostly because I have been grown to be loyal and honest (almost brutally). In addition, like the rest of the world, I allowed media to influence my choices. I thought I needed people who would share events - birthdays, births, weddings, graduations, funerals and what nots. However, I realise that what I need is much more.  

I realise that I need to connect myself to people who are with me for the journey, even the boring bits. I need people who I can talk to about the philosophical direction I want to take in raising my boy. I need people who will sit me down and boldly talk to me about my marriage when they notice that the husband and I are spending more time at work than with each other. I need people who will help me work out a marketing plan for my business. I need people who want to share the details of their relationships with others with me. I need people who want to bore me with the details of their master's thesis because they value my opinion of the things that consume their time.  

I do not need people who merely remember events and then fade into the background for months, waiting for the next great meet. I need people who will relentlessly chase after me and be pissed because I am not eating or sleeping right during my pregnancy. I need people who will be comfortable enough with me being that invasive and brash in their lives.  

I realise that it's no longer important to just go to the same church or have the same educational background. Sharing a religious ethos helps but I need relationships that are growing and going somewhere. 

I have been frustrated for years because it felt like I was in the same place. I used to think that it was because the people around me were not interested or capable of the long haul. I realise now that they are not only capable but are very willing - just not with me.   

So, here's to 30 and finding new great connections!

"Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." 

C. S. Lewis in The Four Loves