People

When I first joined facebook, I was willing to make friends with any and everyone. I think at one point I had more than 1000 "friends". At the time, it was purely for entertainment. Now, there are so many unfamiliar things around me. [Yet, I am not allowed to declare my unfamiliarity. I am expected to act like I am accustomed to being moved and tossed about.] I now sift through the things I allow to fill up the time I spend on social media. As such, I "unfriended" those people who insist on giving me the details of every day. I could understand a few photos of a special event or celebration. But selfies of you having chai ne muwogo are a waste of my time, especially if you ae just the friend of my sister's friend's cousin's friend. Delete. Delete. Delete. Then, I deleted those whose faces I could not remember, or who I had not spoken to in more than 5 years and seemed unlikely to do so soon. If those connections need to be made again, I can always find them. I am now down to 500 ish friends and, still going on. 

The challenge now is that a lot of the friends I have left are deep thinkers and doers. They are the kind that are off to change the world by doing amazing things each day. Either they are designing the latest and greatest in electric car engineering or investigating ground breaking stories or involved in NGOs that really make a difference in communities or they are raising the most awesome of children. I do not like competition. I prefer to live in my little cave or corner, unaware of the things that the world insists on showing me. These people remind me of the promises I made to myself when I still thought about changing the world and doing something great for humanity. Now, a good day is one in which I make it without wincing or gnashing my teeth. I was told I looked sleepy today. Despite 9 hours of sleep, I still looked like a wreck. 

The thing about working with different people every 6 months is that there is always an opportunity for competition, warranted or not. I did not look for it. However, I realised today that I was no longer the favourite. Another one had come and replaced me. At first I did not recognise the feeling I had. I knew there was hurt and anger, but I struggled to understand its source. [I think the best way to treat a wound is to dig out the filth, like Samantha does for my decayed teeth, and then fill it up with goodness.] So, I looked deeper and realised that I was jealous. I was hurt that no one considered me a star anymore. I did not even know that I was proud of my position/status until it was taken from me. 

I was safer in my corner. This business of living with people is tedious.