More. Free.

[I had honest intentions. The intention was to listen to this song. Then somehow I ended up comparing the English, Spanish and Portuguese versions of Enrique Iglesias' "Bailando". Twenty minutes later I am strangely amused by the use of soccer balls in their choreography and more determined than ever to go back to ballroom dancing.]

One of the challenges of working and living with the same people is that it gets old after 8 weeks. When the only me time I get is in the bathroom or when I decide to use my ear phones, then I know I am tired. I'm considering running in the mornings. I have been warned, though, that seeing as I am "different", I am an easy target for violence. Company policy refuses me to wander off in the dark by myself. But, I am tired. We  spend too much time online. At home, I barely have time to get showered and dressed, let alone hours to spend listening to songs and copying lyrics. Although, I must admit that some of these songs have some intense lyrics. 

Oh my dear, I'll wait for you

And grace, tonight, will pull us through

Until the tears have left your eyes

Until the fears can sleep at night

Until the demons that your scared of disappear inside

Until the guilt begins to crack 

And the weight falls from your back

Oh my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight. 

You're my beloved 
lover, I'm yours
And Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us 
and it binds you to me
It's a mystery

I am so preoccupied by my issues and the obstacles that I face, that I have not done a good job of spreading the "Joy of the Lord." To begin with, I am not the best courier. I struggle to be joyful about my own circumstances and, thus, feel like I never have any left over to share. Until today. 

I saw her make one last attempt to change the status quo, to make people see that she is worth more than what they assume. I saw what despair and fatigue look like in the face of a man who is doing his best but is unable to change the way things are. He has to leave the office at 8 pm, too exhausted to keep his eyes open. Yet he is expected to entertain the children and then listen to the drama of the wife's day. Another one has been married for 7 months but has spent only 2 of those months in the same town as his newly wed bride. Yet another one has 6 more weeks before she can see her beloved. She lives off snippets of conversation at dusk and dawn. She dreads the thought that there are assignments that might require her to abandon her phone. There are things that money and luxury cannot buy. 

I need to pray more. 

And now this song is talking about the truth - the Christ, Emmanuel, God with us. There is hope that reaches beyond our deepest despair and changes our vision. This truth frees us. 

I need to share more.