So this is not going to be coherent at all. There are several thoughts running through my mind. All of which, need to leave and live elsewhere.
1) I want to scream bloody murder. I want to shout about my pain and be pitied. I want to point fingers and say exactly who I blame for this. I want to be comforted - not to be fixed. I want someone to just buy me ice cream and watch sad romcoms with me - not to tell me that I need to move on from the past, forgive and forget. I want someone to cry with me. But each time I begin that conversation, I feel silly. I keep thinking that no one else seems to handle life the way I want to. Everyone else is mature about these things. They all have thick skins and are capable of experiencing adult emotions. I'm still on baby mash and porridge. I want to scream.
2) People need to stop asking me how motherhood is. I can't really say it sucks without sounding ungrateful and spoilt. After all, how many pray for children, and better still children born in the safety if marriage to a father who actually cares beyond just providing food and clothes? I should be grateful. I should be glad. However, most times, I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and go to bed a little sadder than the day before. Please don't ask me to lie to you that I am enjoying it. The little marshmallow man is great. He is a total delight. But he is not enough of a distraction. Motherhood is some rough mess. I was not ready.
3) It saddens me a little that I do not expect anyone to read this. I am starved of friendly conversation. Coming home has proven to be harder than I thought. Turns out the welcome party was temporary. They've since moved on.
Now that that's out. Back to normal. #AsYouWere
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